Monday, December 10, 2018
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Funny Quotes

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. Jim Carrey

Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.  —  James A. Garfield

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back. — Oscar Wilde

We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know.  — W. H. Auden

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often. Oliver Herford

Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings. ROBERT BLOCH

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. — Steve Martin

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. Winston Churchill

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. Elbert Hubbard

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.Abraham Lincoln

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you. Joey Adams

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. — Dave Barry

Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed. Josh Billings

Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely. P. J. O’Rourke

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. Saint Augustine

 

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